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TOKYO
(AP) - Russian baseball fans may rejoice at the news that
thier perrenialy underachieving St.
Petersberg Psychos have been sold, but they may not be
cheering for long.
The
team's new owner, Michael Wilson, has vowed to evaluate every
aspect of the team as they suffer through thier worst season
in franchise history. "The cupboard is bare. I came into the
office Tuesday, looked around and had to ask myself what I've
gotten myself into." Wilson added, "This is a team in need
of change. We may be bad, but we can't be THIS bad."
Rumors
are already swirling around St. Petersberg that the team is
as good as gone. Wilson, who has his global base of operation
in New Orleans, Louisiana, said, "I don't want to talk about
relocation now, we have a season to finish and rebuilding
process to begin."
Alexi
Sirinoff of the Russian sports ministry reported earlier that
a clause in the team's lease allows it to be moved at no penalty
pending league approval. Stating, "We love basebal here, but
he is staying in a hotel and taking taxis. He is not going
to stay."
League
rules currently prohibit a move to the U.S., but officials
in Tokyo have confirmed today that they have in place a tenative
lease from an unnamed Weaver League team to relocate to their
new unfinished baseball-only stadium, being built on the Tokyo
waterfront and slated to open later this year.
A
Tokyo official speaking on terms of annonimity said, "We are
very glad to have the possibility of a team returning to Japan
for next season. The Japanese are the best baseball fans in
the world!"
When
asked for comment Wilson stated, "No comment. No, better yet
talk to my lawyers. I'm trying to save a sinking ship and
this is what I get. I love baseball, and I am going to do
whatever it takes to make this franchise great, wherever we
are, even if we play on the moon!" (Editor's note: In
the old days of the Weaver League, Rob
Wyatt's Galaxians played on the moon. The ball carried
very well at their gravity-challenged stadium.)
Even
in his first days as owner Wilson is bringing excitement to
his new team, a hard task to accomplish when you are 69 games
out of first place.
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