EDINBURGH (AP) - After being snubbed by the Weaver League while Britain and Ireland have had teams for years, Scotland finally has a franchise. Prominent actor and native Scot Sean Connery spent weeks in negotiations with the former Luxor Kings to finalize a deal to move the team to the North Sea and rename them the Edinburgh Highlanders. "Twasn't all that hard," said Connery. "They lost a ton of money last year, Camel Racing is the only draw in that country. They were losing so much money they practically gave me the team."

Connery has wasted no time putting together a staff and stadium for his new club. For his GM he selected Immortal swordsman Connor McLeod, who convinced Connery to hire his cousin and fellow immortal Duncan McLeod to act as 1st Base and hitting coach. For his manager, Connery has chosen Groundskeeper Willie, of FOX cartoon The Simpsons fame. "Ah've wanted to manach the teem fur yeers," said Willie. "Ah joost did nae' wanna get sand oop me kilt!" Willie has no experience at any level of play, but he should be able to keep the playing field neatly manicured.

And what field will that be? Ground has already been broken on Scotland Yards, a state of the art facility modeled after Oakland Alameda County Coliseum. The Highlander's excellent starting rotation should feel right at home in this pitching heaven, with huge dimensions and enormous foul area. And with Haggis and stout, dark draft vendors working the stands the fans should be pretty comfortable as well. And how will the Highlander's already anemic bats adjust to the new park? "They'll hit the wee thingee or ah'll bash 'um in their wee thingees!" exclaimed Willie.

Edinburgh has made a few trades to strengthen their hitting, but pitching will still be what keeps them in games - and fans in the seats. With 4-time Cy Young winner Smokey Joe Wood as the staff ace, the Highlanders will use a four man rotation. With 41 starts estimated, Wood has his sights set on the coveted 30-win plateau. "Management is counting on me to take on 1/4 of the starts to be more competitive," said Smokey Joe. "I don't mind that, we've got four strong guys who can more than carry the load, and it makes our bullpen all that much stronger. I want to help the team, but I also finally get enough starts to challenge the season victory record." With 30 wins, can a 5th Cy Young be far behind? Now if Edinburgh's bats can only talk as big as Wood, this team can start to make a name for itself - and Scots everywhere!