FRIENDLY, PA (AP) - Bumpus Wensloff may be only a common Weaver Leaguer, but to the town of Friendly, Pennsylvania (pop. 200), he's a hero. Wensloff could be the first Amish player to make it to the Weaver League soon. This year, however, he plays in Class A Siberia, with the whole community of Friendly rooting for him, if they only had a television.

Interviewing the townsmen, I found a few comments...

"Bumpus told us in a letter that he had led Nairobi to a 142-20 record and the Weaver League Championship," said one man.

"Bumpus said he won the All-Star Game MVP, Playoff MVP, Cy Young Award, Rookie of the Year Award, and MVP Award in the Blizzard and Inferno Leagues. He also made it to the Hall of Fame 92 times last year," said another woman.

"Bumpus Wensloff is the Great Amish Hope. When he hit that 9,962nd home run last year, I cringed, even though I was only able to read about it. I even branded my horse with the initials BW," said another Amish farmer.

Since this investigative report was completed, the city of Friendly has renamed itself Bumpus Wensloffville and the Amish also have renamed themselves to the Bumpus Wensloffians. Their church is now called Bumpus Wensloffianism. Bumpus Wensloff is a hero, a real Amish hero. Someone all of Weaver League's players and owners can say to, "Damn, I wish I was like Bumpus Wensloff!"