GROOM DRY LAKE, NV (AP) - Me and fellow adventurer Robert Wyatt were to take part in the first intergalactic Weaverball summit with the Planet X Aliens and it was decided that we should get together at Area 51 since it already housed deluxe accomodations sutiable for dozens of different types of sentient beings. Wyatt was past owner of the Lunar Galaxians who played on the moon. His interplanetary experience, and the fact his ownership of the Cheyenne Scalpers made him Weaver ambassador to the backwater redneck wastelands of the American West, made him an ideal participant. Thus, we ventured from the fair and noble kingdom of Excalibur in Las Vegas, Nevada and began our trek north by northeast towards the place Air Force Experimental pilots refer to as "DreamLand".

I was still revoering from an ankle sprain and was only able to reach Warp Factor 3 (100 miles per hour) in my nifty rental Plymouth Neon! Wyatt served as navigator... good thing since we almost missed the turn off from I-15 onto interstate 93 north! We traveled for much time with the windows down blowing in pleasantly warm desert air and were amazed as we passed through a verdant valley with deer and cattle on our way to Area 51! I thought nothing lived out here! We finally made it to the Extraterrestrial Highway 375 (so dedicated in 1996) which would take us to Rachel where we would shoot some pool and engage in some Area 51 chat at the Little Ale-E-Inn. After a rest at Rachel, Nevada we backtracked on Highway 375 and turned right at an unmarked dirt road only signified by a white mailbox (refered to as the black mailbox... supposedly painted white in recent times to trick nosy Area 51 researchers away from the site. We hopped on this road (Groom Lake Road) which leads all the way to the facility which the military finally admitted existed in 1993 when a lawsuit was filed against the U.S. government by construction workers who has contracted illnesses from the toxic compounds while working at the Area 51 facility. We made a huge dirt plume behind the Neon!!! We passed a ranch with ostriches and cattle (with one really mean looking Bull) and 10 minutes later made it to orange fence posts and a Warning sign that actually states that the use of deadly force was authorized! Well I crossed the line, with my hand, as I reached out and stole a rock from the restricted zone as a tripod surveillance camera was looking on. We saw no white jeeps with the thugs with machine guns that others have encountered.

We waited for the Planet X Aliens dudes to show to let us in but they never did. So we packed up and headed back to Vegas to help boost the Nevadan economy. Rob drove part of the way back and he got to 120 miles per hour (that healthy footed bastard!). Oh well, maybe we'll meet up with them Aliens some other time.