| RANK |
TEAM |
COMMENTS |
| 1 |
LONG
BEACH |
The
Lobsters have the pitching to repeat as champs.
Of course this is coming from a talking dog puppet
who eats his own poop, so take it for what it is. |
| 2 |
TOKYO |
Don't
get me wrong, they look good going into this season,
but it's gonna be tough to meet the expectations.
Nobody has felt this kinda of pressure since the
time Marmaduke sat on my face! |
| 3 |
JOHANNESBURG |
I
don't care what their record was last year, they're
going down faster than me on a Pekingese! I keed,
they'll be alright. |
| 4 |
SICILY |
News
flash for those of you who give a shit: The great
Smokey Joe Wood retired! Sicily will miss him but
they'll still be OK without him. |
| 5 |
NEW
YORK |
Yes,
the Nukes, what a proud and glorious franchise!
The greatest in the league... For Me to Poop On! |
| 6 |
HONG
KONG |
I
don't like to talk about Hong Kong. I had a close
call in the kitchen of a restaurant there once,
I was this close to having my name changed to General
Tso. |
| 7 |
TEHRAN |
My
good friend Spuds McKenzie says the Knights are
his darkhorse pick this year. |
| 8 |
ARGENTINA |
They'll
win the Polanski Division again. Big deal, I've
got worms in my stool that could put a team together
and win the Polanski Division! |
| 9 |
BORA
BORA |
They
finally let Johnny Hubbell and Todd Crosby loose
last season. Good for them, now after all the hype
they better not screw up. |
| 10 |
EDMONTON |
Edmonton
Orcas? WTF is that all about? I'm a F-ing dog and
even I know that Edmonton is landlocked! |
| 11 |
LOS
ANGELES |
The
Riots are gonna have a case of deja vu this year,
a Cy Young Award for Dazzy Vance and a ticket to
fourth place. |
| 12 |
HONOLULU |
Mitch
McCoy is getting to be quite the icon in Honolulu.
He can do no wrong, I swear, the guy farts and they
hold a parade in his honor! |
| 13 |
BERLIN |
Those
good young hitters are gonna take them all the way
to fifth place in the Lockwood Division this year.
But who knows, maybe another year and they'll crack
the upper division. |
| 14 |
JAMAICA |
This
suckfest has gone on long enough! I say they'll
break .500 this season. |
| 15 |
BOMBAY |
Well
they play in the Polanski so ya never know. |
| 16 |
RIO
DE JANERIO |
The
world's biggest rodent? I'm not impressed, I've
pooped bigger.
|
| 17 |
HAVANA |
Vida
Blue is one of the best pitchers in the league...
For Me to Poop On! Screw you, I know I already used
that line for the Nukes, but it's my meal ticket! |
| 18 |
MOSCOW |
Rumor
has it that they're going to sign Air Bud to play
centerfield for them this year. |
| 19 |
COZUMEL |
They
added Tom Seaver and have some decent pieces in
place. And they're gonna finish in last place again. |
| 20 |
CHERNOBYL |
Al
Simmons announces he's joining the Weaver League
and the agents come out of the wordwork. I haven't
seen so many parasites since my last stool sample! |
| 21 |
VANCOUVER |
They're
rebuilding. Welcome to Poopville, Mounties fans. |
| 22 |
CAIRO |
Whenever
I'm in Cairo I always try to catch a Scorpions game.
Normally I eat grass when I want to puke! |
| 23 |
STOCKHOLM |
Ray
Ivie, .147 average and he started all 162 games?
This guy needs a hit worse than Robert Downey Jr. |
| 24 |
AMITY |
Things
will continue to be ugly in the town of Amity,
otherwise known as America's Poophole!
|
