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KINGSTON
(AP) - Jamiaca Rastafarians
owner Eric Cochran announced today that he has ended his pursuit
of Babe Ruth as the team's new manager, at least for this
season.
"Vancouver
Mounties owner Cory Muzyka has made it very clear that
he has no desire to send Ruth back to his home in Jamaica"
said Cochran. "As far as I know, me and the Babe are
still the same and will never change. I will go on the record,
just as Babe did in his interview with
Adolf Oliver Bush, and say that I have nothing but love for
the big guy. Cory can keep on with his corporate signing of
contracts while I remain the same in Jamaica, showing nothing
but love."
There were rumors that the Rastas were courting offers for
Mounties coaches Tony Gwynn, Cal Ripken Jr., Kenny Lofton,
and Greg Maddux. Some crazy dude even said that they were
interested in the Mounties bat girls.
"Have
you seen those girls? They're so ugly they could peal the
paint off of a car. I wouldn't touch either one of those girls
with a 10 foot pole!" stated Rastas pitcher Horatio Barnes.
These rumors were debunked today when the Rastas announced
that they have signed Roger Clemens as their pitching coach.
They have also signed Jose Mesa as their bench coach and Albert
Belle as the team's manager.
Belle
was quoted as saying, "It's great to be back here with
the Rastas, with Eric, Roger and Jose. It's time to teach
these youngsters some discipline. Everyone will respect us
sooner or later, but until then we're just gonna have to charge
the mound with the orginal Rastafarian bad boys. One short
of course that is!"
The Rastas also turned some heads today being the first Weaver
League baseball team to annouce an official airline for their
team. Owner Eric Cochran recently purchased an A320 airbus
from Jetblue airways to become the official airline of the
Rastas. In accordance with Jetblue's plane naming procedures
the Rastas were required to use blue in the name. It was only
right to announce the Rastas official plane name is "Blue
Smoke".
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