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Editor Jim Lockwood

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Thursday, January 10, 2013
RASTAFARIANS END PURSUIT OF RUTH
Story by Eric Cochran
 

KINGSTON (AP) - Jamiaca Rastafarians owner Eric Cochran announced today that he has ended his pursuit of Babe Ruth as the team's new manager, at least for this season.

"Vancouver Mounties owner Cory Muzyka has made it very clear that he has no desire to send Ruth back to his home in Jamaica" said Cochran. "As far as I know, me and the Babe are still the same and will never change. I will go on the record, just as Babe did in his interview with Adolf Oliver Bush, and say that I have nothing but love for the big guy. Cory can keep on with his corporate signing of contracts while I remain the same in Jamaica, showing nothing but love."

There were rumors that the Rastas were courting offers for Mounties coaches Tony Gwynn, Cal Ripken Jr., Kenny Lofton, and Greg Maddux. Some crazy dude even said that they were interested in the Mounties bat girls.

"Have you seen those girls? They're so ugly they could peal the paint off of a car. I wouldn't touch either one of those girls with a 10 foot pole!" stated Rastas pitcher Horatio Barnes.

These rumors were debunked today when the Rastas announced that they have signed Roger Clemens as their pitching coach. They have also signed Jose Mesa as their bench coach and Albert Belle as the team's manager.

Belle was quoted as saying, "It's great to be back here with the Rastas, with Eric, Roger and Jose. It's time to teach these youngsters some discipline. Everyone will respect us sooner or later, but until then we're just gonna have to charge the mound with the orginal Rastafarian bad boys. One short of course that is!"

The Rastas also turned some heads today being the first Weaver League baseball team to annouce an official airline for their team. Owner Eric Cochran recently purchased an A320 airbus from Jetblue airways to become the official airline of the Rastas. In accordance with Jetblue's plane naming procedures the Rastas were required to use blue in the name. It was only right to announce the Rastas official plane name is "Blue Smoke".

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