NEW YORK (AP) - The New York Nukes this week launched a pre-emptive strike to make sure that long time shortstop Donnie Sadler stays with the club long after his playing days are over. Responding to the Vancouver Mounties recent signing of Babe Ruth as their AAA manager, the Nukes organization made public a plan to offer Sadler a job within the organization after he retires, assuming that he finishes his career with the franchise.

"Donnie Sadler ain't goin' nowhere!" emphasized Nukes owner Jim Lockwood during a news conference this afternoon. When a smartass reporter pointed out the ironic double negative, that if Sadler 'ain't goin' nowhere' it must surely mean that he 'was goin' somewhere', Lockwood had him silenced by pushing a button on his desk that dropped the reporter through a secret trap door.

"OK, now where was I? Oh yeah... Donnie Sadler ain't goin' nowhere! Players have come and gone but the one constant on this team from the beginning has been Sadler. He's like the cocroach of the Nukes system. We might acquire a Barry Larkin here and a Jhonny Perez there, but he sticks around and somehow he always manages to end up starting again."

When asked what role Sadler might fill in his future assignment, Lockwood noted that with his .216 career batting average a career as a hitting coach probably wasn't in his future. "We were thinking along the lines of an assistant scoreboard operator or something. Batboy maybe, is there some kind of age limit on that? We can never have too many beer vendors. The clubhouse attendant could always use extra help. Yeah, I think we're on to something here... He'll shine their goddam shoes and like it!"

"But anyways, Donnie Sadler is stayin' put! I'll be damned if Vancouver or any other team gets their hands on him when he's done playing"

Sadler could not be reached for comment.

On a related note, the team announced that former Nukes greats Ty Cobb, Gary Sheffield and new Hall of Fame inductee Randy Johnson will join the the Nukes' coaching staff for the 2013 season.